Lonely

well for the pretty much one person that will ever read this... cisco. lol i guess i'll just write this to you.

I dunno but lately i've been feeling really lonely for some reason. Even though i have 3 really good close friends i just feel like somethings missing. I've been doing a lot of pondering on my free time (which i have an abundance of) as u know cisco, we do have no lives. And i THINK i came to the conclusion what it might be... a girl. i know as i look back to my previous blogs it looks like alll i write about is girls lol pretty pathetic but ya. i just really want to find a GOOD nice girl that i can have a REAL relationship with, u know? not just some girl to fuck around with and do all that stuff but a real relationship like someone who i can become real close with.

I dunno i look back to my jr year of high school wen i dated a girl named alicia zamora and man those 13 months i think it was of my life were amazing u know? i was truely happy and everything seemed perfect... side note i no way at all have feelings for her wat so ever, just sayin wen i was with a girl and had a real relationship with lol.... but back to that i dunno its hard though cause theres ... well seems like theres no girls around here though that are actually like that, the only girls i can think about r church girls but those ones either think i'm a crack head or r just.... not my type at all. lol

Maybe i dont even know wat my type is? do i even have a "type"? I look at all the girls i've "talked" to or dated and none of them have anything in common at all... maybe i need to figure out first wat my type is? i duno i told myself just let the girl come to u... well i tried that and i had NO luck wat so ever. lol i just dont know anymore....

maybe i need to like frickin move down south or just somewhere else for awhile for a change in pace in my life and start fresh.... cause it seems like around here as soon as u get a reputation it just sticks with u forever... and the rep i've been gettin lately isnt a good one and theres no way to clean it up cause people will always keep tlakin shit bout other people and it seems like i'm just the hot one to talk about right now... i dunno wat do u think cisco? (since ur probly the only person ever that will ever take the time to read this... lol)

its been awhile

hey 3 people that might look at this blog, so i know its been awhile since i've last updated this, i think the last one i wrote about was about "the girl".... ya so that didnt work out like i thought.. long story but ya so how bout i update u all...

soo where to start... hmmm i moved outta my parents house and have my own place now in disco with my roommate matt. which is pretty cool. umm schools over thank god and am out for summer. my buddy cisco is back for the summer as well which is cool i'm pretty stoked about that. and ya nothin else really exciting in my life. lol

i know you all r wonderin bout my love life, well its pretty dull. no ladies at all. there r a couple on my radar but no movements made on any of them yet.

FYI so i watched the movie cloverfield tonight with aku and his new girl veronica (she doesnt speak english) lol and ya it pretty much was a huge let down, i was so stoked for this movie for a long time and it really let me down, like they had nothing leading up to it in the movie and it was just, blah. and went by way to fast. not to mention the camera editing made me sick. it was like "the blair witch project" status. but ya just givin u all a heads up who were thinking about buying it. dont. rent it instead deffinatley not worth ur 20 bucks... but ya so i'll try to get on this more often and keep u guys updated!

The Girl...

So basically there is this girl that i remet (if that makes any sence) her name is Dana and she came up for winter break from her home in san diego to visit family and friends. Long story short me and her just connected and really like eachother. Cept the hard part is that she ended up going back down south to her home and i'm stuck up here...
She is suppose to actaully though move up here this summer after the school year is over which is really exciting because she is just.... AMAZING is the only way i can put it. me and her just connect on so many levels, she is just a perfect girl for me. But if there is one down side if any its her job. She is a science intructor up at a camp near lake Arrowhead which is down south. But the thing is when she is at work (monday thru friday) she has no cell phone reception so i cant talk to her. Which really sucks incase your wondering.
But ya I just cant WAIT to see her beautiful face again though. I think about her consintly and just how perfect and great she is and how we make eachother laugh so easily doing the stupidest things you could ever imagine, its crazy. But ya i just can not wait to have her back into my arms again and just hold her tight as if it were the last moments i would ever spend with her and look into her eyes and tell her how much i missed her and care about her and just kiss her. God just thinking about having her in my arms right now just makes me miss her that much more...

i dunno this was kind of a spur of the moment blog that i just felt i should blog about, please comment me and tell me wat you think and if your in a situation such as this?

Livin the life

Last week on the 6th of january my parents left to go on a cruise to the Behamas, good for them and suck for me cause i have to stay at home right? wrong, since they have been gone life has been good. My buddy shane has been living with me at my place since they've been gone so it's nice that i still have someone to talk to and keep me company. Its sweet i find myself saving gas now too since they've been gone. Before when the parentals were home i would always be trying to leave my house to get away from them and just get out, but now since they're gone i can just hang out at home with my friends and just relax.
I feel like an adult in the real world now. Today i had to wake up at 6:45 and go to a interview for East Contra Costa Fire Department, so i had to get all dressed up in a tie and everything it just felt good.
But ya this blog was kind of random i just wanted to express this out loud. lol ... enjoy.

Friends

Back in high school i thought i had it all. I was "popular" people new me, i had friends i was a varsity starter for three years and captain. I thought i had it all. But as soon as you graduate from high school you relize that those people really weren't your true friends. Its the ones you've had the hole time and are still there for you afgter it all. Just recently i relized this. That i may only have a few close friends now, not nearly as much as i did back in high school but yet the ones i have now are way better friends then i had in high school. I have three friends that i consider real close, the first two are Shane, and Aku these two have been there for me through it all. But recently i have a new friend that i consider an actual real close friend, and that is my friend Cisco. This winter break i feel that i have grown very close to him and have learned a lot about him and he's learn a lot about me. These three guys are awesome and are the ones i consider very close to me and am able to tell them anything that is or has been bothering me. I'm the type of person that does not like to open up to people, but these guys for some reason i have no problem telling them anything at all. These guys are amazing and great friends...

Dreams

In life there are a lot of mysteries that we will never know. One of the being dreams, what do they mean, why do we have them, and are they are mind warning us of something? These past couple of days i have been doing a lot of thinking about this and why God gave us dreams. What does he want us to do with them, if anything at all?

I dont want to go into to much detail about my dream because it's rather personal and i don't know who exactly reads these blogs. In my dream there is this person who I havn't seen in at least four years, but I care deeply about this person (always have and always will) and I see this person and its like we never left eachother. I've been having this dream two nights in a row, and the other day my friend shane brang up this person out of know where like almost he knew my dream before I could even tell him. To add to this I found out today that this person who I have been dreaming about is coming back into town next week for christmas...

Why, is the question I keep asking myself. Why out of no where do I all of a sudden start dreaming about this person who I have not seen nor talked to in so long? Is this some sort of sign God is trying to give to me? or is this just some wierd phenomina that humans have, just meaningless dreams...

please i would really like some feed back on this on what you guys feel about this, even if i dont know you, i would still like your input... and if anyone had any sort of professional knowledge about dreams would also come in handy as well... please help me out.

Where Life is going (continued....)

Since "Where life is going" was so long I decided to break this part off into its own post of its own... This is my friend trouble i've been struggling with...

Another subject that has been killing me is the subject of my two best friends, Shane and Aku. These two guys mean the world to me and i would HONESTLY not have to hesitate to take a bullet for one of these guys. Ya a lot of people say they would take a bullet for someone, but me i realistically mean it, if i had to i would END MY life just for them to live... A few months ago one of them left for college, aku. It was one of the hardest things ever for me to do is just let go and watch him leave for Long Beach. The night b4 he left Shane, Aku, and i just sat at starbucks drinking some coffee and smoking some cigs (like we would always do for so long b4 he left) not saying one word, but rather just enjoying the company of eachother for one last time. It killed me, that night i cried and cried and cried when i got home. Me and Aku have been best friends since the 2nd grade (when we were only 7 yrs. old) and now we're 18 and 19 years old........... And now my other best friend shane is here with me and its been me and him together since aku left. Shane and I have been best friends since we were 5 years oldd. The thing is though he's in a band, with aku, and they're finally starting to hit that point in the band where there striving to get signed and now can almost taste it and while i'm SOO happy for them because its been Shanes dream since the 7th grade, i also find myself scared and sad. If they do get signed and go on a tour my only friend left will also be leaving me and i'll end up alone. And it scares me to death, the thought of being alone with no body, especially without my 2 best friends who i've had my entire life with me since i was 5 and 7 and to think of life without them... i just cant imagine it... I konw again i sound like a little bitch complaining but you know what i dont have a gun to your head forceing you to read it so if you dont like it dont read any more.... But to see him leave and go on tour for months on end and even maybe moving to Nashville, Tennesse.... i just couldnt imagine it. We've been together for so long life without them is just so hard to imagine because i've never really experienced it. I dont know i just needed to vent about these things that have been keeping me contained for days and just buddled up inside of me eating me away. i just needed to set them free.